I was checking on my journal page when I noticed that the graphic with Shyanne's picture wasn't showing up so I reloaded using a different method.  Hopefully She stays there now so you all can see  how beautiful she was.  Hugz***

Remembering Shyanne...

This is Shyanne - She was a beautiful, vivacious 7 year old, She loved people, My Little Ponies, Barbie's, Roses, Frogs - all kinds of things. The mouse on her arm here is "Mickey".

She was Cindy's Niece - they were extremely close, Shyanne was extremely close to her Grandmother also.

When Shyanne was 7 - a teenage drunk driver hit her on her bike and killed her instantly.  The drunk driver showed no remorse, never said he was sorry, his family didn't either.  A few months after Shyanne's murder, he and his family moved to another part of the state where not long after he was again driving drunk and hit a vehicle, killing the child in that accident also.  In neither of these cases he was never really given any kind of punishment for his crime.

April 23rd is the anniversary of her passing & each year it's just as hard for Cindy and her Grandmother when this time comes.

Shyanne would have been 17 years old this year.

Please, if any of you ever THINK about driving drunk? Please don't.  Think about the lives you may save by not doing so, if not your own.

 

This entry is not meant for any other purpose than to introduce someone who was a very important and LOVED part of a few people's lives.

She is missed today as much as the day she was taken away 10 years ago.

 

Thank you for listening.

<DIVALIGN=CENTER> 

 

Thank you Donna for creating this Tag for me, it is so very, very appreciated.

Chit Chat

 Tag by Chris at Cab's Creations :)

 

Good evening everyone :)  Hope this entry finds most of you happy, healthy and wise :)  I'm sitting here waiting on my Cindy to get home from work, have dinner cooked already...rib sticking food... Fried Pork Chops, Potatoes, Green Beans and Biscuits :)  Sounds good doesn't it?  well, it does to me & Pork Chops are something She loves.  She is having to work a little late tonight being as it is almost the end of the month and is having to tie up some loose ends as far as paperwork is concerned, poor baby sounded so tired and aggravated on the phone.  Well, the Babies (puppies & cats) and I will be here waiting for her when she gets home.

I have all day shifts this week, have a double to pull on Saturday though, it won't be too bad. 

Last night we had a heck of a thunderstorm system move through this area, tornado watches were included...the storm started about 1:30 a.m. and was still going at 6 a.m.  I couldn't sleep well, the puppies were acting up and between them and just the flashes of lightning continualy flashing through the window's in the bedroom I just couldn't get the rest I wanted.  Cindy says she was aware of the storm, yet I still heard her soft little snores LOL.  I finally got up at my usual time (5:00 a.m.) too take the puppies out for their potty call, then I come in start Cindy's breakfast, pour myself some coffee and go outside to have a smoke. (Yes, I've tried in the past to quit smoking but it's damned hard and to put it bluntly, I like smoking : x)  I'm guessing I will quit when I am ready and not before so I'm not stressing about it.  Same thing with the diet I was going to try with Cindy...I wasn't ready for it - and if you are not ready for something like that it's useless to try.  I think I've lost a few pounds at this job anyway, so that's a good thing. ANYWAY, after my smoke I come in, finish her breakfast, get it all wrapped up and ready for her to take with her so she can eat it in her truck before she goes into her workplace.  She loves it :)  I love taking care of her.. She's my heart :)

Anyhoo... Monday was a stressful day here for Cindy and her Mom, I will write about that in a future entry ~ maybe tomorrow.  It won't be along entry, it will actually be pretty short, but that's the only way it can be.

Going to get going now, Cindy is getting ready to leave work and I want to have everything ready for when she gets here..

Wind to ALL thy Wings**

Thinking

This Photograph is called "Stolen" by "andrewfphoto".

 

Something, just something called to me as soon as I looked at this beautiful and to me, haunted looking little one.  I'm not sure exactly what it is~ is it merely a reflection of myself as a child?

Look into her eyes and what do you see? what does her mouth say? her face? what age old wisdom do you see in her wise, yet young & innocent face? to me, it also says - "I'm so far away from you that you can't touch me, no not really" .  Is it a look of expectation? resilience? bravery? or just - you are a stupid adult, what do you truly know?

Brings to mind a passage from the movie "The Crow" with Brandon Lee.  He's standing there with his hand wrapped around the heroin warped out mother and he whispers in her ear to MAKE her listen (this is an approximate quote not exact) but it goes something like this :: Mother is the name of God on the lips and in the mind of all children, look into the mirror & what do you see...::: as he holds her arm and forces all the heroin that she has taken out of her arm.

Mother was not my God.  She was a devil's henchman. And yes, I know she is trying very hard to make up for it now. I'm trying, she's trying, yet I still wonder with this statement "Mom, it's just a little too late".

And then, I stop thinking about it again for awhile, I remember we have both failed at this Mother Daughter thing. We all deserve a second chance.

S.Troll attack

This beautiful picture is called "Starfish" by "bernie".

 

Listening to:   Boston's Greatest Hits.

 

Isn't this a beautiful photo?  I wish I could take pictures like this person.  I've seen places like this on the coast of Florida throughout my life at times.

Thank you all for all your encouragement.  The "troll" struck again this morning, am thinking I will leave the comment there for all of you to read then when I write my next entry I will delete and block it.  Wanted to let you see what they said, this is just one of them.  Some people need to find some other way to use up their time. (shrug)  anyhoo, not letting it bother me, they are what they are and apparently can't help themselves, I just won't feed into their addiction and envy of others.

I am writing now because I won't have time to for the next couple of days I think, won't get off of work today till around midnight sometime.  If I'm not too tired I may write tomorrow but don't count on it LOL.

Eegaads my nose hurts    Lares was chewing on my hand and he reared up and caught the inner edge of my poor nose with his tooth and ripped it a little. Damn that hurt!  We are trying to teach them not to do that, manners in other words.

I'm hoping work today will be smooth and uneventful - this one guy there yesterday put me in the most crappy mood..was sarcastic to everyone for the rest of the day. If he's there today I'm not going to give him that power, just going to ignore his a**.  Poor Cindy didn't know what to make of it LOL.  I'm rarely like that, I allowed the creep to ruin my whole day and Cindy and the babies (cat's & dog's) suffered for it.

I'm sorry Baby for being a boohead.

I'm wondering about "bands" these days - I realize yes, there are some good one's out there in this day and age, yet so many sound alike.  Classic Rock n Roll, nothing will ever beat that.  Toto, Asia, Boston, Chicago, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Bachman Turner Overdrive, Styx, Foreigner, Kansas, Blue Oyster Cult...you know those kinds of bands? I miss them so much, luckily we have CD's etc. to listen to them with.

Sometimes I wish I really understood sports more, Donna over at "This, That and Hockey" writes about her love of Hockey all the time and it's like I'm reading greek  LOL Or like when Cindy watches Basketball, or Russ mentions sports...I have never had a interest in sports at ALL.

I even hated PE is school lol.

Well, I think I'm going to go now, have to start preparing to go to work.

Love you all and have a wonderful weekend ok?

Wind to thy Wings*

 

 

P.S. The troll entry is in the previous entry's comment section.

 

Wondering

 tag by Chris at Cabs Creations.

Good Morning All  :) 

I hope this entry finds everyone at least somewhat content, feeling better etc. in their lives, after all it is Friday - though for me tomorrow is my "Friday".

I wanted to say, to let you know, that what I wrote yesterday was not meant in any form or fashion to offend anyone; nor was it an attempt to trivialize what has happened at Virginia Tech, it was only my own personal feelings and opinions on the matter 'k?  So don't hold them against me.  If they sounded harsh or I didn't care about what happened, I'm sorry for that also because believe me I'm anything but indifferent to it, I've cried more than once for the whole tragedy, 9/11 STILL makes me cry to this day and probably will for many more years to come.

My darling Cindy says to thank you for your well wishes, that she is feeling better now-at least a little bit more so.  She hauled her a** off to work this morning; privately I thought she should have stayed home but I would have had to tie her to the bed :::rethinking that:: you know that would so NOT be such a bad thing <wyked grin>::: poor Baby is a workaholic.  Other than when I was at work yesterday (had a short day) I was with her... even when she was sleeping.  She doesn't care for soup of any kind really so I brought home a rotisserie <sp?> chicken from walmart, baked a potato, warmed up some peas and had a salad for dinner <She likes the white meat, I like the Dark so that's a GOOD thing ROFL> the point is, She ate...She isn't sick to her tummy, it's a cold so her tummy wasn't bothered - fixed Strawberry Shortcake with Whipped Cream for dessert (used pound cake because Cindy doesn't like sponge cake of any kind) She did wake up around 2 a.m. burning up with the fever so She got up and splashed cold water on her face etc. then came back to bed. I worry about her when She's ill - but then we all do when people we love aren't feeling well, right?

I guess I better be going now, I have things to do before I get ready for work..I hope you all liked the jokes I sent out this morning - again - if you don't want me to forward them to you, please let me know nicely :)  I'm only trying to make people smile :)

Wind to thy Wings*

 

 

 

Is one death more or less than any other?

Hello Everyone   I hope this morning finds everyone in some semblance of peace.

I've come to the conclusion (Pt. XXXVII) <chuckle> ::in case you are wondering I've come to this conclusion many times before, it's just something else happens in this world that increases the # of conclusions::

That this world is truly screwed up.  I know there are many, many "unscrewed up" people out there, but the # that are? it's increasing on a hourly basis.  Take this situation and tragedy that has happened in Virginia.. from what is being discovered, there were warning signs and have been for quite awhile about this young man's instability and rage.  It was a situation of it was either ignored or dealt with fear on individual basis.  I can understand that, I know if someone made me feel that afraid or cautious I would tend to avoid or hmmm what's the word~~pet the anger~~ and hope it doesn't look at you in the dead of the night when you are sleeping? I don't know if that makes sense but I know what I'm trying to say... It's a very sad, tragic thing that happened, the loss of all those lives and the pain the families & friends are dealing with.

What I am about to say next may seem insensitive, but truly it is not meant to be that way, I am not attempting in any way to trivialize what has happened in any sense. BUT - other than the fact that one sick, haunted individual did these murders, what makes those deaths different than a mother or father lost because of a drunk driver? or a son or daughter lost because of the same? a mother to breast cancer or ovarian cancer? a father to prostate cancer? a heart attack? the victims of 9/11?  the victims of the suicide bombers in Iraq (the Muslims)? and our own soldiers...each death in anyone's life is just as important and worthy of the same grief as those 32 (33 if you include the shooter) people have received.

Better yet... there are flags flying at half staff all over this country -- what is stopping this country from flying the flags at half staff for EVERY member of our military that is lost in this senseless war in Iraq? Are THEIR deaths of any less value than our men and women dying there?  Why don't we do that for them?  Believe me, the pain and sorrow felt by the soldiers families is just AS important as those 32.  You know what? I don't understand Bush - I don't understand the governments hiding of the caskets of our soldiers coming back from the Wars in Afghanistan, Iraq... of the lack of coverage of this outrage and this sorrow.  The difference is, is that the media latched onto this incident in Virginia and the government wasn't able to hide from it or act like it isn't happening or lie to us more about something that could not be denied in their minds.  There WAS no way to hide it.  I wonder if Bush or the Government even really cares beyond the grandstanding or the expressions of sorrow... what makes those 32 lives any less important than the thousands/millions of lives that are lost in this world every day? Well, to me - there isn't one.

Every death that occurs, is just as important to each and every family.

I hope that doesn't sound too rambling or disjointed to be understood.  I'm just not certain how to say what I am feeling. So I will move on to other things now.

 

Things are going fine here, Cindy is ill with a cold   poor Baby... She's on her way home from work as we "speak" - She tried to go in and work and She isn't going to make it so She's coming home where her a** is getting into bed and staying there today.  I have to go to work today for a few hours but I will be coming home and taking care of her.

Lares and Draco are doing well, growing like weeds - they are 18 weeks old now.  Heathen and Kizmet (kissy) are happy and healthy too...

Work for me has been crazy and busy; Hence the not writing in my journal - I've gotten caught up on my comments (I think) in other's journals...I tried to read at least just one in each. 

Going to go for now, hope all is fine with everyone.

Wind to thy Wings*

 

Happy Birthday to someone special !!!!

 

Happy Birthday to "our" Russ!!!  Of Inner and Outer Demons & Beat at Joe's Fame

I'm very sorry I'm late with this but I hope you had a very nice birthday Hon!!

I wish you Health, Love, Wealth, Happiness and Free Will all the rest of the days of your life :)

Love you hon....         

Changed color of font on last entry ~

Just wanted to let anyone know who was having a problem earlier that the blue font color I was using made it hard to read against the black - I changed the font color to a lighter one so let me know if you can read now ok? Hugz everyone.

Morning madness

 

How is everyone this new day?  Here?  it is raining, nicely... a few lightning flashes and occasional bouts of thunder but I love this weather as any of you who have been reading my journal knows this about me   It leaves me with a feeling of contentment & relaxation.  The other night we had a bad thunderstorm roll through this area, woke both Cindy and I up at about 1:25 a.m. it hailed like you would not believe, of course I had to go outside and stand under the carport and watch the hail fall and see the lightning flash and hear the thunder boom.  Some of the hail balls were about a inch wide, if there were any bigger than that I didn't see them.  We did worry about the hail damaging Cindy's truck or because of the way the wind was blowing and the hail was falling, that it would crack one of the windows in front of the house ~ but ~ nothing happened like that   then of course, it took forever for us to fall back asleep, but we did.  We were both a little tired the next day but it was ok.  Then, this past Saturday morning on the way to work it started to snow, it was fantastic!  It was just flurries, but it lasted about 2 hours total I think, everyone at work was so excited about it, the customers were also.  The conditions were just right for it to happen and it did.  I enjoyed it immensely.

We have a huge Wisteria plant in our front yard in between a huge oak tree and a huge pine tree, it's like the tree's shelter it, (there are a lot of wild Wisteria plants in this area as well as most of the homes in this area have them in their yards) they were all blooming in a riot of color - love that soft bluish lavender that they are.  They always did remind me of bunches of grapes hanging from the stems.  The Dogwood tree's were also blooming - white ones and pink ones.  Dogwood's were my great grandmother's favorite flower.  We also have Iris's planted in the front of the house (which are blooming) and a old rose bush that was planted by the former owners that isblooming.  It's just beautiful 

Oh, the ranches and farms that are all out where we live?  there are baby calves and baby horses all over the place... it's really neat.

 

Cindy and I had a nice quiet evening last night- I cooked dinner, Salisbury Steaks w/ gravy, made from scratch macaroni and cheese, Italian Style Green Beans and Cracklin' Cornbread.  It was very good.  Then we watch a little TV and played with the puppies, then went to bed.  We were both pretty tired.  Got up this morning and fixed Cindy's breakfast and sent her on her way to work with love and kisses & telling her to be careful driving in the rain.

 

Enough for now...Wind to thy wings...

Happy Birthday to Gazker!!!!!!!!

This for "our" Gazker... it's his Birthday (the 10th) you big bad Aries you.... we haven't forgotten!!  I hope you have a grand and happy one Hon!!

Love you!  Teresa

                             

Things and Thoughts -

This artwork is called "Fairy resting in the cold" by a wonderful artist by the name of Lia Saile.

 

There are times when I want to write, yet I can't or I think too much and I talk myself out of it ~ I have a pattern of holding everything inside of me most of the time, habits learned from long ago ~ so long ago that the memory of WHY I became this way is lost in the times of my past. I am writing today because I am attempting to break one of the holds that my past has taught me and protected me with.

It has been a bit over a week since my last entry (does this sound like confession to you? it does bring back memories of my mother's catholic phase and the 1st time they "attempted" to make me go to confession to a man that was called a "priest" and I told him I wasn't going to tell him anything; to me, he was male - therefore definitely NOT to be trusted and a stranger to boot)  even in that time my trust of males was non existent for the exception of my grandfather who I thought I loved and who did love me in his own way - yet as I grew older the love was more tinged with fear and as I grew older still - how much he had attempted and DID manipulate his oldest grandchild - that was one of the times of my life where I gained more control of "self" and a loss of rose tinted glasses when it came to my mother's family.  I trust no male completely, nor will I ever I believe.

For you gentlemen out there that kindly read this, please do not take this personally against you... these are just meanderings and remembering's of my own past experiences.

Yet ~~~~ they still control me to some point to this day in a aspect or another.  The waves that were causedin time, the portals of crossings & nuances still overlap each other no matter how many years are added onto my time I have existed in this place.

Yes, everyone has felt pain, betrayal, anger, sense of loss ~ but this journal is about me and my experiences...not everyone else's - so if this is true why do I feel the guilt in admitting, acknowledging, remembering these things ?

I don't know, but I don't feel like I should - feel guilty that is.

Yet I do.

Some people have even attempted to sway me into thinking that my distrust and anger are the reasons that I am a lesbian.

No.

This is not the case.

That I DO know well enough about myself.

 

My Spiritual self, my journey in that sphere has been tumultuous at best - I have bounced around (not always by my choice, some of this was my mother's whim of not being able to find her own belief, her dragging me with her in her own journey.)

What I have seen/noticed/absorbed is that with most "Christian" precepts of that belief, is that THAT belief is often impressed upon one with fear.  My pardon to those that are of that belief, my words are not meant to cause hurt or anger.  These words are merely my own experiences.  My journey to finding my own Spirit, my own Spirituality is uniquely my own, much as many of you, the readers of this journal, have your own.  Even the lack of a "religion" persae is a form of Spirituality in my own thinking.  If I were to believe in any aspect of Christ, it would be the ideals that come from "The Gnostic Gospels" than any written in the current bible.  But again, that is MY own thought, not anyone else's.

I am going to get off of this/these subject(s) now because I don't wish to bore you or alienate any of you; and yes, I realize I am somewhat disjointed today, my thoughts are mercurial at the moment, never know what will pop out when I'm in this frame of mind.

 

On with the day to day things that are going on... Cindy is still working her butt off (I adore her butt, she has such a attractive butt ) and this week will be even harder on her because of some things that are going on in her workplace and even MORE responsibility will be placed on  her shoulders, not that She can't handle it...She is fully capable. (Yes, I adore her shoulder's too).  We had a day together yesterday and it was a very nice day... with my new work schedule and her's too, I see her for about 15 minutes every morning (I get up at 5ish a.m.) to fix her breakfast (I want to make sure she eats) then we talk on the phone on her way to work, when I'm not having to work thru lunch myself, I talk to her for about 45 minutes on her lunch break and then depending on if I am working a dinner shift, I talk to her when she get's off of work a little after 6 p.m. till she get's home, we eat dinner, watch some TV, play with the puppies and love on the cats...then it's bedtime around 9ish (if I'm home) if I'm work, I don't get home till about 10, so she's in bed...tho she does try to stay up to see me .  We both have long days and short nights, but we have each other and that's what counts.

Yesterday we got up and went to breakfast, then grocery shopping...came home and I took a nap (luv naps) while she played James Bond on her computer (help's get rid of her stress) and then we had a shower together (wyked grin, was THAT nice), dressed, went to dinner with a couple of friends, came home and went to bed and cuddled till we fell asleep.  It was wonderful.  I love my wife with all my heart and soul.

 

I hope everything is going fine with all of you - hopefully I will be able to start my journal commenting again on a more regular basis soon since things are evening out with my new work schedule.

 

One other note, if any of the jokes etc. that I forward my regular readers bother you or you don't want them, please let me know... can I ask one thing?  let me know nicely, not with meanness or abruptness, I wouldn't do that to you and I hope you wouldn't do that to me.  Coldness following a attempt of just passing along humor or things I thought you might be interested in are unwanted.  In other words, if you can't be nice? you are not worth my time to begin with.

 

Wind to thy Wings all, I love each and all of you.