Is one death more or less than any other?

Hello Everyone   I hope this morning finds everyone in some semblance of peace.

I've come to the conclusion (Pt. XXXVII) <chuckle> ::in case you are wondering I've come to this conclusion many times before, it's just something else happens in this world that increases the # of conclusions::

That this world is truly screwed up.  I know there are many, many "unscrewed up" people out there, but the # that are? it's increasing on a hourly basis.  Take this situation and tragedy that has happened in Virginia.. from what is being discovered, there were warning signs and have been for quite awhile about this young man's instability and rage.  It was a situation of it was either ignored or dealt with fear on individual basis.  I can understand that, I know if someone made me feel that afraid or cautious I would tend to avoid or hmmm what's the word~~pet the anger~~ and hope it doesn't look at you in the dead of the night when you are sleeping? I don't know if that makes sense but I know what I'm trying to say... It's a very sad, tragic thing that happened, the loss of all those lives and the pain the families & friends are dealing with.

What I am about to say next may seem insensitive, but truly it is not meant to be that way, I am not attempting in any way to trivialize what has happened in any sense. BUT - other than the fact that one sick, haunted individual did these murders, what makes those deaths different than a mother or father lost because of a drunk driver? or a son or daughter lost because of the same? a mother to breast cancer or ovarian cancer? a father to prostate cancer? a heart attack? the victims of 9/11?  the victims of the suicide bombers in Iraq (the Muslims)? and our own soldiers...each death in anyone's life is just as important and worthy of the same grief as those 32 (33 if you include the shooter) people have received.

Better yet... there are flags flying at half staff all over this country -- what is stopping this country from flying the flags at half staff for EVERY member of our military that is lost in this senseless war in Iraq? Are THEIR deaths of any less value than our men and women dying there?  Why don't we do that for them?  Believe me, the pain and sorrow felt by the soldiers families is just AS important as those 32.  You know what? I don't understand Bush - I don't understand the governments hiding of the caskets of our soldiers coming back from the Wars in Afghanistan, Iraq... of the lack of coverage of this outrage and this sorrow.  The difference is, is that the media latched onto this incident in Virginia and the government wasn't able to hide from it or act like it isn't happening or lie to us more about something that could not be denied in their minds.  There WAS no way to hide it.  I wonder if Bush or the Government even really cares beyond the grandstanding or the expressions of sorrow... what makes those 32 lives any less important than the thousands/millions of lives that are lost in this world every day? Well, to me - there isn't one.

Every death that occurs, is just as important to each and every family.

I hope that doesn't sound too rambling or disjointed to be understood.  I'm just not certain how to say what I am feeling. So I will move on to other things now.

 

Things are going fine here, Cindy is ill with a cold   poor Baby... She's on her way home from work as we "speak" - She tried to go in and work and She isn't going to make it so She's coming home where her a** is getting into bed and staying there today.  I have to go to work today for a few hours but I will be coming home and taking care of her.

Lares and Draco are doing well, growing like weeds - they are 18 weeks old now.  Heathen and Kizmet (kissy) are happy and healthy too...

Work for me has been crazy and busy; Hence the not writing in my journal - I've gotten caught up on my comments (I think) in other's journals...I tried to read at least just one in each. 

Going to go for now, hope all is fine with everyone.

Wind to thy Wings*

 

Happy Birthday to someone special !!!!

 

Happy Birthday to "our" Russ!!!  Of Inner and Outer Demons & Beat at Joe's Fame

I'm very sorry I'm late with this but I hope you had a very nice birthday Hon!!

I wish you Health, Love, Wealth, Happiness and Free Will all the rest of the days of your life :)

Love you hon....         

Changed color of font on last entry ~

Just wanted to let anyone know who was having a problem earlier that the blue font color I was using made it hard to read against the black - I changed the font color to a lighter one so let me know if you can read now ok? Hugz everyone.

Morning madness

 

How is everyone this new day?  Here?  it is raining, nicely... a few lightning flashes and occasional bouts of thunder but I love this weather as any of you who have been reading my journal knows this about me   It leaves me with a feeling of contentment & relaxation.  The other night we had a bad thunderstorm roll through this area, woke both Cindy and I up at about 1:25 a.m. it hailed like you would not believe, of course I had to go outside and stand under the carport and watch the hail fall and see the lightning flash and hear the thunder boom.  Some of the hail balls were about a inch wide, if there were any bigger than that I didn't see them.  We did worry about the hail damaging Cindy's truck or because of the way the wind was blowing and the hail was falling, that it would crack one of the windows in front of the house ~ but ~ nothing happened like that   then of course, it took forever for us to fall back asleep, but we did.  We were both a little tired the next day but it was ok.  Then, this past Saturday morning on the way to work it started to snow, it was fantastic!  It was just flurries, but it lasted about 2 hours total I think, everyone at work was so excited about it, the customers were also.  The conditions were just right for it to happen and it did.  I enjoyed it immensely.

We have a huge Wisteria plant in our front yard in between a huge oak tree and a huge pine tree, it's like the tree's shelter it, (there are a lot of wild Wisteria plants in this area as well as most of the homes in this area have them in their yards) they were all blooming in a riot of color - love that soft bluish lavender that they are.  They always did remind me of bunches of grapes hanging from the stems.  The Dogwood tree's were also blooming - white ones and pink ones.  Dogwood's were my great grandmother's favorite flower.  We also have Iris's planted in the front of the house (which are blooming) and a old rose bush that was planted by the former owners that isblooming.  It's just beautiful 

Oh, the ranches and farms that are all out where we live?  there are baby calves and baby horses all over the place... it's really neat.

 

Cindy and I had a nice quiet evening last night- I cooked dinner, Salisbury Steaks w/ gravy, made from scratch macaroni and cheese, Italian Style Green Beans and Cracklin' Cornbread.  It was very good.  Then we watch a little TV and played with the puppies, then went to bed.  We were both pretty tired.  Got up this morning and fixed Cindy's breakfast and sent her on her way to work with love and kisses & telling her to be careful driving in the rain.

 

Enough for now...Wind to thy wings...

Happy Birthday to Gazker!!!!!!!!

This for "our" Gazker... it's his Birthday (the 10th) you big bad Aries you.... we haven't forgotten!!  I hope you have a grand and happy one Hon!!

Love you!  Teresa

                             

Things and Thoughts -

This artwork is called "Fairy resting in the cold" by a wonderful artist by the name of Lia Saile.

 

There are times when I want to write, yet I can't or I think too much and I talk myself out of it ~ I have a pattern of holding everything inside of me most of the time, habits learned from long ago ~ so long ago that the memory of WHY I became this way is lost in the times of my past. I am writing today because I am attempting to break one of the holds that my past has taught me and protected me with.

It has been a bit over a week since my last entry (does this sound like confession to you? it does bring back memories of my mother's catholic phase and the 1st time they "attempted" to make me go to confession to a man that was called a "priest" and I told him I wasn't going to tell him anything; to me, he was male - therefore definitely NOT to be trusted and a stranger to boot)  even in that time my trust of males was non existent for the exception of my grandfather who I thought I loved and who did love me in his own way - yet as I grew older the love was more tinged with fear and as I grew older still - how much he had attempted and DID manipulate his oldest grandchild - that was one of the times of my life where I gained more control of "self" and a loss of rose tinted glasses when it came to my mother's family.  I trust no male completely, nor will I ever I believe.

For you gentlemen out there that kindly read this, please do not take this personally against you... these are just meanderings and remembering's of my own past experiences.

Yet ~~~~ they still control me to some point to this day in a aspect or another.  The waves that were causedin time, the portals of crossings & nuances still overlap each other no matter how many years are added onto my time I have existed in this place.

Yes, everyone has felt pain, betrayal, anger, sense of loss ~ but this journal is about me and my experiences...not everyone else's - so if this is true why do I feel the guilt in admitting, acknowledging, remembering these things ?

I don't know, but I don't feel like I should - feel guilty that is.

Yet I do.

Some people have even attempted to sway me into thinking that my distrust and anger are the reasons that I am a lesbian.

No.

This is not the case.

That I DO know well enough about myself.

 

My Spiritual self, my journey in that sphere has been tumultuous at best - I have bounced around (not always by my choice, some of this was my mother's whim of not being able to find her own belief, her dragging me with her in her own journey.)

What I have seen/noticed/absorbed is that with most "Christian" precepts of that belief, is that THAT belief is often impressed upon one with fear.  My pardon to those that are of that belief, my words are not meant to cause hurt or anger.  These words are merely my own experiences.  My journey to finding my own Spirit, my own Spirituality is uniquely my own, much as many of you, the readers of this journal, have your own.  Even the lack of a "religion" persae is a form of Spirituality in my own thinking.  If I were to believe in any aspect of Christ, it would be the ideals that come from "The Gnostic Gospels" than any written in the current bible.  But again, that is MY own thought, not anyone else's.

I am going to get off of this/these subject(s) now because I don't wish to bore you or alienate any of you; and yes, I realize I am somewhat disjointed today, my thoughts are mercurial at the moment, never know what will pop out when I'm in this frame of mind.

 

On with the day to day things that are going on... Cindy is still working her butt off (I adore her butt, she has such a attractive butt ) and this week will be even harder on her because of some things that are going on in her workplace and even MORE responsibility will be placed on  her shoulders, not that She can't handle it...She is fully capable. (Yes, I adore her shoulder's too).  We had a day together yesterday and it was a very nice day... with my new work schedule and her's too, I see her for about 15 minutes every morning (I get up at 5ish a.m.) to fix her breakfast (I want to make sure she eats) then we talk on the phone on her way to work, when I'm not having to work thru lunch myself, I talk to her for about 45 minutes on her lunch break and then depending on if I am working a dinner shift, I talk to her when she get's off of work a little after 6 p.m. till she get's home, we eat dinner, watch some TV, play with the puppies and love on the cats...then it's bedtime around 9ish (if I'm home) if I'm work, I don't get home till about 10, so she's in bed...tho she does try to stay up to see me .  We both have long days and short nights, but we have each other and that's what counts.

Yesterday we got up and went to breakfast, then grocery shopping...came home and I took a nap (luv naps) while she played James Bond on her computer (help's get rid of her stress) and then we had a shower together (wyked grin, was THAT nice), dressed, went to dinner with a couple of friends, came home and went to bed and cuddled till we fell asleep.  It was wonderful.  I love my wife with all my heart and soul.

 

I hope everything is going fine with all of you - hopefully I will be able to start my journal commenting again on a more regular basis soon since things are evening out with my new work schedule.

 

One other note, if any of the jokes etc. that I forward my regular readers bother you or you don't want them, please let me know... can I ask one thing?  let me know nicely, not with meanness or abruptness, I wouldn't do that to you and I hope you wouldn't do that to me.  Coldness following a attempt of just passing along humor or things I thought you might be interested in are unwanted.  In other words, if you can't be nice? you are not worth my time to begin with.

 

Wind to thy Wings all, I love each and all of you.

 

 

 

 

Update

 

 

Hello Everyone

 

A few lines to let you know that I'm sorry I haven't been writing or commenting on journals.  It's been really busy here for me lately - working double shifts etc. as well as taking care of things at home - just been too blasted brain tired to write much at all about anything; main focus seems to be just getting off of my feet lol.

Cindy has been working her rear end off also, She is exhausted but she's top of the game at what she does for work (clue: She's a woman doing a man's job in a man's environment & She is kicking their asses ) nothing against you gentlemen who are kind enough to read this journal.

I have come to the conclusion I am just getting old    My body just doesn't want to do what it needs to do anymore as far as my job is concerned, used to be I could handle this with one hand tied behind my back and not suffer one iota for it; now? totally different story  lol  not to mention the fact that I am the oldest person there - Sheesh.

I don't have any days off till Monday and Tuesday next week and I know I'm going to be exhausted Monday... so I will try to write again on one of those days, something a little more fulfilling.

I worry about Cindy being here at night by herself and eating right.  Her idea of a meal when she is alone is cereal    I tell her, you need to eat something healthy, not just cereal.  But?  that'swhat she is happy with, tho sometimes she will eat a sandwich instead.

Russ, I know this is your weekend with your Pops - I hope it goes well and you enjoy yourself while you are there, is Pete going with you?  Seems I remember you saying in one of your entries that he was, I think that is a good thing if he is, he will be your rock (smiling at you).

Cin?  I'm happy your hubbie is home (or it seems like he was supposed to be?)  And Alex and his building things sounds so wonderful, he is a beautiful boy

Marie - thank you for your insites on your journal, I love reading you when I can lol.  You are a gentle person in this harsh world and I appreciate you so much!

Lyn - you go girl !  LOL

Margo - you keep hanging' on and don't let Inanna get the best of you, I'm proud of you.

Indigo?  thank you so much for you wise words and gentle nurturing.

Mary? even tho I don't write back much.. I love receiving your little "notes"  they mean much to me.

All you tagger's out there?  you PSP'ers  lol  I love your tags and snags and each and every effort you make is deeply appreciated and enjoyed.

Gazker - I'm sorry about the rain in Spain...

Stevie - you are great

Donna - what can I say... just thanks for your wit and writing & artwork.

 

Ok, I think I'm going to go for now - The babies (Lares, Draco, Heathen and Kizmet are doing wonderfully).  I will try to write again soon.

 

Wind to thy Wings all...