an unwanted memory

I was driving to work yesterday listening to the radio (yes, I still have a radio with only a cassette player in it ~)  I heard this song...at first I really didn't pay attention to the lyrics, but something about it caught my ear, or should I say stirred up a memory I didn't care to remember.  These memories are from almost 20 years ago.  Even though it has been that long, the pictures that the words arouse within my head are still sharp. They still make me wince. They still mean I'm afraid.  It still marks my ability to trust.  Especially when it comes to alcohol/drinking.  I was sitting there once I started really listening and it was like my breathing suspended...it slowed, I became hyper aware in a way like I was in a long, long tunnel looking at something that should have long ago left me alone.  But some wounds don't heal completely and I don't know if this ever will.  I'm extremely grateful for Cindy in situations like this and I realize how very lucky and blessed I am to have her love.  She helps keep the demons at bay and in their place in the murkiness of past memories.

 

Straight/Heterosexual readers? don't EVER think that domestic abuse doesn't occur within lesbian/gay relationships, it does and at a alarming rate.  Take it from me I was one of those. I have changed a few of the words to make it from a female point of view...

 

"Never Again"

by

Nickelback

 

She's drunk again, it's time to fight
She must have done something wrong tonight
The living room becomes a boxing ring
It's time to run when you see her
Clenching her hands
She's just a woman
Never Again

I hear her scream, from down the hall
Amazing she can even talk at all
She cries to me, Go back to bed
I'm terrified that she'll wind up
Dead in her hands, She's just a woman
Never Again

Been there before, but not like this
Seen it before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again

Just tell the nurse, you slipped and fell
It starts to sting as it starts to swell
She looks at you, she wants the truth
It's right out there in the waiting room
With those hands
Lookin just as sweet as she can
Never Again

Seen it before, but not like this
Been there before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again

Father's a name you haven't earned yet
You're just a child with a temper
Haven't you heard "Don't hit a lady"?
Kickin ' your ass would be a pleasure

She's drunk again, it's time to fight
Same old shyt, just on a different night
She grabs the gun, she's had enough
Tonight she'll find out how f**king
Tough is this woman
Pulls the trigger as fast as she can
Never Again

Seen it before, but not like this
Been there before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again