I'm writing I guess because I feel the need to do so, too many thoughts and emotions rolling around in my head and heart.
Didn't sleep well last night, wound up getting up at 4:30 a.m. after tossing and turning, not wanting to wake up C. I turned off my alarm and got up anyway.
Checked on Heathen first thing, he was in a good mood 
I don't know whether to be happy or sad about that. It makes it harder to make a decision ~ all the what if's I can tell are going to eat me up. His eyes were all bright and happy, he played with me, swatted my hands & fingers and purred his fool head off. He just couldn't move his back legs very much. Heathen does much better when he's on carpet. He talked to me too, wish I knew what he was saying.
I don't know whether to be happy or sad about that. It makes it harder to make a decision ~ all the what if's I can tell are going to eat me up. His eyes were all bright and happy, he played with me, swatted my hands & fingers and purred his fool head off. He just couldn't move his back legs very much. Heathen does much better when he's on carpet. He talked to me too, wish I knew what he was saying. Apparently C. talked to a couple other vet's that she knows in town and I guess that whatever they said was equal to what Heathen's vet told her (but didn't tell me ~ H's vet that is). I think H's vet is afraid I will go over the deep end, maybe she's right.
Heathen has brought me through some extremely hard times in my life, deep depression, suicidal tendencies, loneliness, anger, frustration...he has been my rock. He IS my rock. I guess maybe it's time for me to be his.
Draco and Lares know that something is going on they don't know what it is though. They have been very quiet and affectionate. Playful even at times like they are trying to cheer me up and say "it's ok mama, we are here for you with hearts full of love".
Guess I will go for now, my moroseness must be getting on some of the nerves of a few readers. Whatever. (shrug).
Blessings*
and pray for Heathen & I, so hopefully I will make the right decision for both of us.
10 comments:
{{{Teresa & Heathen}}} I know I've told you this before, and am trying hard to follow my own advice, too. This is your journal and these are the things that are going through your mind right now. So write about it.
Hugs, Leigh
http://journals.aol.com/mleighin21st/iwasthinking.../
Teresa,
Honey...like I said...if you listen closely, he will tell you in his own way when he's ready to go. When cats stop eating, and drinking, and are just laying around, it's their way of saying "leave me alone...it's my time" I truly believe that. If he was an outside cat, he would just walk away. I've had animals who have done that. Animals know so much more than we do. Yes, they will stop eating and drinking if their sick too...but if your following your vets advice, and he is tolerating the meds and eating and drinking and purring...well...there is no rush in this. The clock isn't ticking. The date isn't fast approaching on the calender. You are keeping him clean, and treating his skin like any good Momma would. Just keep your heart and mind open to what he is telling you, and then you will know what you should do.
I love you, and I'm here for you.
Connie
(((((hugs)))))
Marie
http://ayearatoakcottage.blogspot.com/
Oh...this hurts my heart to read....I don't even know what to say. "I can relate" is too trite", and "I truly do understand" you probably wouldn't trust. Just know I'm thinking of you with lots of cyber hugs.
Nancy
I can feel your pain while reading this. Sending bug cyber hugs.
Missie
I wish I could give you a big hug Sweetie. Such pain should not have to be endured. Prayers for both of you.
Hugs, Joyce
I guess Connie and I think alike. Heathen will let you know. ((HUGS)) Bethe
Awwwwww hon, sending up prayers for Heathen, Hugs Lisa
I am so sorry to hear about Heathen!! I know you love him so much! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Making these decisions is so difficult. Linda
Awww don't be silly xx You moan and whinge all you want because it's all perfectly understandable. I wish there was something I could do, so for now I shall send you some virtual hugs...............
Jenny
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