Sexuality - mine ~ a response I shared in ref to her question.

A response to a question a friend wrote/asked me about my sexuality has me pondering things, not questioning MYSELF, but wondering what all of you who are not gay/lesbian think about the gay/lesbian issue (to me it's not a issue, it simply just IS) - do you ever ask yourselves or wonder about my being lesbian? why I am? etc.?

So, I thought, I would share with all of you my response to her... I am omitting her name because this is a private thing between She and I... so I am writing the response I gave her minus the name.  It could have been to anyone that asked me the same...so ponder as you will, you will either understand my thoughts and feelings or you won't.  I don't particularly care if you agree or not, because this is MY world, not anyone else's.  Also, this is merely MY opinion, not anyone else's - it is MY experience, no one else's... there are some cases where in my life I haven't done things that I have been proud of, but then we all have at one time or another. 

No, I don't mind you asking any of these questions   not at all - I'm very happy with who I am and I'm not afraid or ashamed of it, I've just learned over the years that sometimes it is wiser to not tell people that I am because there are some truly mean, wicked, evil, hateful people out there in the world that would not hesitate to physically, mentally & emotionally attempt to harm me; some have even accomplished these things at one time or other.  Being careful does not equate to cowardice or shame.

I've always known I was different, it wasn't until I was older that I realized the term for what I am is "lesbian" - when I was in 2nd grade I had my first fully crush on another little girl, her name was Adrianna - amazing that I remember that lol.  All through school I had major crushes, some even on teachers etc.  It's funny tho because it never seemed that I developed a crush on a Physical Ed teacher, which seems to be the norm for most lesbians it seems (laughing) in fact I seemed to always desprise my P.E. teacher... some of that had to do with the fact that I wasn't athletic at all and had no desire to be so.  Cindy?  She loved her PE Teacher's... but then, she's a tomboy and what the lesbian world calls "butch".  We had two vastly different childhood's and adulthood's.  She fell in with the norm of what being "lesbian" was... I didn't, I've always been feminine and the fact is I don't LOOK like a regular lesbian... I look like a straight woman (or as society perceives as being straight - even the gay/lesbian culture)  Cindy?  she fit's the gay/lesbian look.  I've always been on the outside looking in it seems on both merits - the straight world, because I wasn't straight yet was perceived as such and the gay/lesbian one because I didn't fit in with what they thought I should look like...i.e. I wasn't a tomboy, I didn't have the "lesbian" hair style, I didn't dress like the majority does, I wear makeup etc. Even when I went into gay/lesbian bars, the lesbians there (not all, but most) thought I was bisexual or I was confused and just looking for a one night stand etc.  I wasn't truly a lesbian because I didn't fit into the mold they tried to fit me into... yet despite the peer pressure within the gay/lesbian community to turn myself into what THEY thought was what I should look like, I stayed true to myself.  I am me and that's all I can be.  I love women, any kind of woman - doesn't matter to me.  My preference as to the type of woman I am attracted to?  well, that would be predominately butch...or the tomboy style, though I have had feminine women as lovers.  I just prefer butch women.  Now, when I use the term "lovers" as in plural sense... I don't mean I've had huge amounts of lovers - in fact you could fit the amount of women I've slept with on my two hands.  I'm very monogamous...I am NOT polyamorous  (meaning having more than one sexual relationship going on at one time)(I made the mistake of this once before in my life & it was the last *of having more than one lover*).  It's just not in my make up. 

As far as your feelings yourself?  In my opinion?  Homosexuality is as normal as Heterosexuality is... after all, The Higher Power has made us all, right? and The Higher Power doesn't make mistakes.  I'm not a mistake by any means.  We ALL are created with that in our genetic makeup, but over time, it was taught BY man, by word's written BY man... that itwas wrong.  Your attraction at times through your life is normal... not wrong or sick or abhorrent.  It's only abhorrent to those that have no true idea as to what humanity is... hmmmmmm ok, I'm writing something I found that explains it very well I think... it's not by any means the only thing I've found that attempts to explain the role of homosexuality vs. heterosexuality....it merely makes a lot of sense to me.  Without all the religious posturing..,.you know?  here goes...

 

...in all the world, there are more creatures than just man that make lifetime matings.  Among them, some of the noblest - Wolves, Swans, Geese, the Great Raptors, all creatures man could do worse than emulate, in many, many ways. And with all of them, ALL, there are those pairings, from time to time, within the same gender. Not often, but not unheard of either. 

There is in most of us a fear, a shame placed there by our own doubts and the thoughts of those that know NO better - I tell you to think on this - The same sex pairings occur IN NATURE, how then is it "unnatural" ? Usual ? no; and not desiring of the species (humankind or any other) or else it die out from lack of offspring, but not UNNATURAL.  The beasts of the field are as innocent as humankind will never be - who has the knowledge of good and evil and the choice between & they do NOT cast out of their ranks those that are different for there is NO shame in loving...

 

That's just a short version of it... yet, doesn't it make sense?  take all the religious dogma etc. out of the fact that same sex pairings are a part of nature and are normal within many cultures in this world - the Christian world does not have the only knowledge or the only right to perceive what "wrong" is... there are many civilizations/cultures in this world that are FAR older than Christianity that accept same sex pairings or those that are born different.   Love is just that, love...physical love, emotional love, mental love... when you LOVE, it is not wrong.  If the desire is there to be with someone of the same sex even if it isn't your "norm" is not wrong, if it were not normal or a part of life...it would not be, it would be aberrant within nature as without.  There are no prejudices when it comes to love in the Creator's eyes.  They would MUCH rather have us love... and NOT hate or judge one another.

In other words, ...it IS natural - as natural as it is to breathe...

 

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask - and let me know what you think of my answers to your questions.  I want to know what YOU think about what I've said.

 

Wind to thy Wings -

Teresa

 

Feel free any of you to ask questions, or to respond FREELY... I'd like to know what you all think honestly about what I've written.

 

Hugz*********